I typed this on the way home yesterday and am just able to post now.I took Isaac to his dad's today, on the car ride home it was so quiet. Sure the radio was on and I could hear cars driving on either side of me, but it was quiet. I couldn't help but feel an emptiness knowing I was going to go home to my other son and my husband and have a whole piece of me not there with us. It's hard to know that one of my sons will have his parents together - at Lincoln's age in Isaac's life his dad and I had already been split for months. Javi and I have been through more in our 3 years than Jo and I ever went through so why is it that we (Javi and I) work through all of it but I didn't want to work it out with Jo? And no, I'm not still in love with him. These are just the thought provoking questions I found myself asking when I started thinking about my kids lives (in the future) and how differently they will live. I'm so afraid of Isaac growing up and believing it was his fault or that he's different than Lincoln, etc. and even different than his new sibling from Jo and Jo's girlfriend. There's no doubt in my mind when I say that I will do the best I can for him... The best THAT I CAN, even if my best doesn't meet someone else's standards of best.... We will all do our best. But I can't help but to hurt for him. I hurt that I couldn't work it out with his dad and I hurt that he will watch his siblings grow up with both their parents in the same house. And I hurt when he's at his dad's even though I know it's good for him. I just can't help the hurt.